I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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