Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
