Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
