Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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