So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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