If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
