why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
