Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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