We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
