It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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