I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
