Me. At least after what I've been through.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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