You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
