What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Houston, we have a squirter
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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