So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
