I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I don't deserve a penis
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
