on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
