Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
he just fucked me for my cheese.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
