My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
this is an emotional support booty call
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
