he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
