You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
