I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
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