His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
