you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
