Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
