If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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