It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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