I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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