My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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