I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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