Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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