I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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