a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Couch. On fire.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
