You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Can you repeat that, but with context?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
