I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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