I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
