I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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