I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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