I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
