I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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