We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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