Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
my shit smells like andre
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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