My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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