She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
