she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just pee around me
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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