There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
