there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
