im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
