so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
