used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
