I understand Curling. That high.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
