The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize