so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
