I want to make a zoo with you.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
