After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
