They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
