He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
