I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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