I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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