When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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