I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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