brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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