I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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