good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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