I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
