It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
