I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
