I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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