I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
