I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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