mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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