stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
