On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
