He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
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Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
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I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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