I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
