I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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