you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
