remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
