Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
