He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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