Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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