All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
