Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
