Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
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