He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.