Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that