if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him