What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.