You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
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You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
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it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?