Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
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College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
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the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.