im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
