I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Randomize
