its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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