My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
