It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i barfeds in our rink
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
